The other decision I came to during the course of my walk was to discontinue this project that I've been working on for the past six months. While it may just be a convenient time for me to do so, considering the laptop I charged last week or the doctor appointment I have coming up next week that I'll have to put on my credit card as well, I've also had enough of the daily counting of every single penny that I spend.
When I set out I set out to do this for a year. At the end of December it was six months. And I feel that a suitable enough place to stop. Over the next week I'll analyze some stats and make some conclusions based upon those, but the main goal was to show that life isn't nearly as expensive as we might think it to be and for the most part I think I showed that.
Where I failed was knowing, in the back of my mind, I was going to need some money set aside to be able to inevitably and ultimately move away once again. And in constantly pressuring myself to save money, and count every penny I spent (and not allow myself to having next to nothing and trusting things would still find a way to work out for themselves) I was allowing money to be at the forefront of my day-to-day experience: quite the opposite of what I set out to do.
Still, in having a job that will easily be replaced once I get to Portland (umm...I hope), in other words doing nothing in the form of a career, I am able to follow the instinct that has led me to decide to return there. Besides some unfinished business that I left behind out there, what better reason to do nothing and living cheaply than to have the freedom to be able to up and follow those instinctive desires when they beckon?
That's not to say I'm not incredibly strung out and anxious about the move or what I'll leave behind. But having managed the space and freedom to at least attempt it makes the last six months--if not the last six years of my life--a success as far that goes.
And I hope that I've still yet to see just how far that is.
Showing posts with label Doing Nothing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doing Nothing. Show all posts
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
How to Fight Loneliness
Having now not worked for nearly a month, the ironic point has been proven to me: not working can make one feel incredibly lonely.
Looking back, the jobs that I liked the most were the office job I had while going to UB where I was surrounded by more than 40 people each day; the convenient store job that had me face-to-face with dozens of customers every hour, as well as some of the funnest co-workers I've ever had; and even the office job that I had at Buff. St. that had enough people there to offset a numerous amount of over-bearing co-workers.
The bottom line is that each of those jobs had me daily surrounded by people. Whereas, my recent job had me driving around for eight hours to nearby factories with drop-offs and pickups that would last ten minutes, at most, at each stop, before I was alone in the cab again for another half an hour. From there I would wait for the bus on my own before ultimately getting onto the bus and walking home from there all by myself.
Now that I've fallen into my inevitable nocturnal schedule, I can sometimes go the entire day with little more than a couple of hours of interaction with my roommates and no one else. That's not to say they aren't enough, or even to suggest that I despise being alone. But even being back in Buffalo, surrounded by more than a dozen friends, we always go our separate ways once it's time to turn in.
And that's never felt more than on Sunday night. And Sunday nights have a way of especially bringing out the loneliness within me. Last night, after my roommates went to bed, I tried for hours to force myself into my bedroom and write. But the very act of writing is a lonely act. And not wanting to feel even lonelier at that point, I turned to places that offer a temporary, at best, respite for the lonely the world over: I began to watch TV.
Generally, I dislike TV because I'm allowing myself to be entertained by something other than my imagination, something other than my own creation. Likewise movies. And music.
But to completely remove myself from TV, or movies and music, is to remove myself even further from my friends. So much of our collective conversation is rooted in shared experiences (last Friday night, the Bills game, etc) and a shared canon of television and movies (Seinfeld, Simpsons, They Live, to name an incredible few) that even I don't know just how much I miss out in our general conversations by not being as well rehearsed in the movies I've watched or the music I've listened to or the comedians whose material I haven't heard.
And in turning to TV last night, I was simply looking for some sort of connection to something outside my own little world. That's got to be the only reason that news and weather--or work for that matter, as well as the inane sports talk radio I would listen to while alone in the truck I was driving--are so popular: to give us something to talk about with otherwise total strangers (even if they are co-workers or family), just to be able to interact and connect for a short moment. It's better than being lonely for that moment.
But then I turned on the TV and saw only American Gladiators and numerous headlines about Britney Spears and I remembered I would rather be lonely than know about this literal horse shit. If that's the price of sacrificing my own ideals, my own identity, I'd rather be the last person alive.
The act of writing is, by definition, lonely. A main reason that I returned to Buffalo was to not only be around my friends again, but to work on some writing projects (beyond just this one) in a place that was cheap enough to give me the space and time necessary to do so. So in quitting work, I was aware that I was setting out to do something inherently lonely.
But as I've also now come to realize, just in being unwilling to so willingly work, I always put just enough space between me and others that there is yet one more way I have cut myself off. And last night, in finally getting myself to make even the most basic of posts last night, I became even lonelier. Because I also realized the more I remove myself from watching TV or movies, the more I do so.
So it goes.
Looking back, the jobs that I liked the most were the office job I had while going to UB where I was surrounded by more than 40 people each day; the convenient store job that had me face-to-face with dozens of customers every hour, as well as some of the funnest co-workers I've ever had; and even the office job that I had at Buff. St. that had enough people there to offset a numerous amount of over-bearing co-workers.
The bottom line is that each of those jobs had me daily surrounded by people. Whereas, my recent job had me driving around for eight hours to nearby factories with drop-offs and pickups that would last ten minutes, at most, at each stop, before I was alone in the cab again for another half an hour. From there I would wait for the bus on my own before ultimately getting onto the bus and walking home from there all by myself.
Now that I've fallen into my inevitable nocturnal schedule, I can sometimes go the entire day with little more than a couple of hours of interaction with my roommates and no one else. That's not to say they aren't enough, or even to suggest that I despise being alone. But even being back in Buffalo, surrounded by more than a dozen friends, we always go our separate ways once it's time to turn in.
And that's never felt more than on Sunday night. And Sunday nights have a way of especially bringing out the loneliness within me. Last night, after my roommates went to bed, I tried for hours to force myself into my bedroom and write. But the very act of writing is a lonely act. And not wanting to feel even lonelier at that point, I turned to places that offer a temporary, at best, respite for the lonely the world over: I began to watch TV.
Generally, I dislike TV because I'm allowing myself to be entertained by something other than my imagination, something other than my own creation. Likewise movies. And music.
But to completely remove myself from TV, or movies and music, is to remove myself even further from my friends. So much of our collective conversation is rooted in shared experiences (last Friday night, the Bills game, etc) and a shared canon of television and movies (Seinfeld, Simpsons, They Live, to name an incredible few) that even I don't know just how much I miss out in our general conversations by not being as well rehearsed in the movies I've watched or the music I've listened to or the comedians whose material I haven't heard.
And in turning to TV last night, I was simply looking for some sort of connection to something outside my own little world. That's got to be the only reason that news and weather--or work for that matter, as well as the inane sports talk radio I would listen to while alone in the truck I was driving--are so popular: to give us something to talk about with otherwise total strangers (even if they are co-workers or family), just to be able to interact and connect for a short moment. It's better than being lonely for that moment.
But then I turned on the TV and saw only American Gladiators and numerous headlines about Britney Spears and I remembered I would rather be lonely than know about this literal horse shit. If that's the price of sacrificing my own ideals, my own identity, I'd rather be the last person alive.
The act of writing is, by definition, lonely. A main reason that I returned to Buffalo was to not only be around my friends again, but to work on some writing projects (beyond just this one) in a place that was cheap enough to give me the space and time necessary to do so. So in quitting work, I was aware that I was setting out to do something inherently lonely.
But as I've also now come to realize, just in being unwilling to so willingly work, I always put just enough space between me and others that there is yet one more way I have cut myself off. And last night, in finally getting myself to make even the most basic of posts last night, I became even lonelier. Because I also realized the more I remove myself from watching TV or movies, the more I do so.
So it goes.
Getting Late
I have more than just this post that I could write tonight, but we'll just go with this one for now.
It's just before 4:00 am and I'm still awake. Though I might, if I laid down right now there's no guarantee that I'd fall asleep right away. Still, my impulse is to put myself to sleep right now because it's so late.
Yet, without any need to awake tomorrow, how is it that there's even such a concept as "late" still in my vernacular? It's just right now. And right now, I'm kind of tired, but still very awake. And that should be that.
Yet, and it's no surprise really, try as I might to remove myself from a normal schedule and normal time frames, I'm still just as much a part of them as ever because everyone I interact with isn't removed from those schedules. And because I have to be quiet for roommates who have to awake tomorrow, and because I make sure to not be in the shower when someone else has to take one for work, and because I try to make sure I eat before or after someone who's just getting home from work, I cannot remove myself from the standard time frames that effect everyone's days equally. The only way I could possibly do that is to remove myself from society completely. And, especially speaking on a Sunday night, why would I want to do that?
In fact, I think I just talked myself into going to bed. After all, it's getting late.
It's just before 4:00 am and I'm still awake. Though I might, if I laid down right now there's no guarantee that I'd fall asleep right away. Still, my impulse is to put myself to sleep right now because it's so late.
Yet, without any need to awake tomorrow, how is it that there's even such a concept as "late" still in my vernacular? It's just right now. And right now, I'm kind of tired, but still very awake. And that should be that.
Yet, and it's no surprise really, try as I might to remove myself from a normal schedule and normal time frames, I'm still just as much a part of them as ever because everyone I interact with isn't removed from those schedules. And because I have to be quiet for roommates who have to awake tomorrow, and because I make sure to not be in the shower when someone else has to take one for work, and because I try to make sure I eat before or after someone who's just getting home from work, I cannot remove myself from the standard time frames that effect everyone's days equally. The only way I could possibly do that is to remove myself from society completely. And, especially speaking on a Sunday night, why would I want to do that?
In fact, I think I just talked myself into going to bed. After all, it's getting late.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year, New City
Without a doubt, the biggest development in regards to these posts that came over the holiday season was my decision to once again move back to Portland.
My first posts described this as a project to see if I could spend no more than $1,000 a month, but a large part of the ideas laid out were that I would do it living in Buffalo, both because of its affordability and with the hopes of making myself reacquainted with my hometown city.
Now I'm faced with the decision as to whether or not I should continue this project in another city--and thereby continue to count every penny I spend, which, as one might guess, has begun to leave me a bit spent--or instead celebrate the freedom that doing nothing, in the larger sense--such as not having a career or house to hold me down--allows me to have and thus enables me to be able to travel at whim's desire.
My first posts described this as a project to see if I could spend no more than $1,000 a month, but a large part of the ideas laid out were that I would do it living in Buffalo, both because of its affordability and with the hopes of making myself reacquainted with my hometown city.
Now I'm faced with the decision as to whether or not I should continue this project in another city--and thereby continue to count every penny I spend, which, as one might guess, has begun to leave me a bit spent--or instead celebrate the freedom that doing nothing, in the larger sense--such as not having a career or house to hold me down--allows me to have and thus enables me to be able to travel at whim's desire.
New Year, New Post
I've obviously been slacking on posting here lately, but isn't that a bit more appropriate for someone claiming to be doing nothing?
And because the news doesn't report on the 280,000 people in Buffalo who didn't get shot or mugged or what have you, but only the one or two pieces of bad news, because we'd eventually tune out such redundancy, it would have been equally redundant to continuously post about just how little I've been doing with myself.
In the full holiday spirit, I began to make myself all the more comfortable with doing absolutely nothing all day. Some days I read, some days I wrote, I usually took a walk and on some days managed to awake at a decent hour.
But those days that I slept in far later than I wished to, those days that I didn't read? I enjoyed them every bit as much as those days that I did read (etc). But now that the holidays (and thus, an obvious excuse) are over, I'm going to try to get back at it here, as well as other projects. I'll make a few retroactive posts in the coming days--I wasn't completely void of ideas these past few weeks--and hopefully will have a few new ones to attack as well.
And because the news doesn't report on the 280,000 people in Buffalo who didn't get shot or mugged or what have you, but only the one or two pieces of bad news, because we'd eventually tune out such redundancy, it would have been equally redundant to continuously post about just how little I've been doing with myself.
In the full holiday spirit, I began to make myself all the more comfortable with doing absolutely nothing all day. Some days I read, some days I wrote, I usually took a walk and on some days managed to awake at a decent hour.
But those days that I slept in far later than I wished to, those days that I didn't read? I enjoyed them every bit as much as those days that I did read (etc). But now that the holidays (and thus, an obvious excuse) are over, I'm going to try to get back at it here, as well as other projects. I'll make a few retroactive posts in the coming days--I wasn't completely void of ideas these past few weeks--and hopefully will have a few new ones to attack as well.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Knot in My Stomach
As my time was winding down on the job, my frustrations had boiled over onto Buffalo as well: for not having more people to justify more frequent bus stops out near where I worked or for not having more jobs so I could more easily quite one I hate and easily replace it.
When I came back to Buffalo this summer, I came back with no illusions about it being something it wasn’t (and isn’t) and with expectations no loftier than discovering some of the things it might still nevertheless have going for it that I may have previously missed. If that job had done anything more it removed me from the physical city too frequently, for too long each day. Now that I have the free time to be in the city itself everyday, I am making sure, at the very least, that if I am to leave Buffalo again, I am going to leave it on good terms.
Because, that said, I’ve definitely been seriously considering a move back to Portland a lot lately. Enough so that I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life next and find myself in a limbo state--both welcomed and unwelcome--at the moment. Everyday I’ve had a knot in the pit of my stomach constantly pouring over the possibilities, half excited, half nervous about making a good decision and making it for the right reasons. I know that it’s a knot that is a result of being willing to quit a job, live off as little money as possible and be willing to move about on an instinctual whim when the feeling dictates. I know too that I will eventually, when looking back, appreciate this situation as being a result of that freedom, but that will be easier than actually going through the experience as it interferes with my day from time to time.
I recently had a passing thought that I may have seen a bit too much of myself in Buffalo: a proud past that potentially had a promising future that ultimately went an unforeseen and unexpected route. That Buffalo isn’t as big a city that I might want to be living in, but, like I said, I had no illusions about that before I came back. If I am going to leave, it will be reasons unrelated to such arbitrary standards but rather for the fact that I may just have to admit that Buffalo might not be the place for me to be at this time.
And between Buffalo and I, the one I can change the easiest is myself.
When I came back to Buffalo this summer, I came back with no illusions about it being something it wasn’t (and isn’t) and with expectations no loftier than discovering some of the things it might still nevertheless have going for it that I may have previously missed. If that job had done anything more it removed me from the physical city too frequently, for too long each day. Now that I have the free time to be in the city itself everyday, I am making sure, at the very least, that if I am to leave Buffalo again, I am going to leave it on good terms.
Because, that said, I’ve definitely been seriously considering a move back to Portland a lot lately. Enough so that I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life next and find myself in a limbo state--both welcomed and unwelcome--at the moment. Everyday I’ve had a knot in the pit of my stomach constantly pouring over the possibilities, half excited, half nervous about making a good decision and making it for the right reasons. I know that it’s a knot that is a result of being willing to quit a job, live off as little money as possible and be willing to move about on an instinctual whim when the feeling dictates. I know too that I will eventually, when looking back, appreciate this situation as being a result of that freedom, but that will be easier than actually going through the experience as it interferes with my day from time to time.
I recently had a passing thought that I may have seen a bit too much of myself in Buffalo: a proud past that potentially had a promising future that ultimately went an unforeseen and unexpected route. That Buffalo isn’t as big a city that I might want to be living in, but, like I said, I had no illusions about that before I came back. If I am going to leave, it will be reasons unrelated to such arbitrary standards but rather for the fact that I may just have to admit that Buffalo might not be the place for me to be at this time.
And between Buffalo and I, the one I can change the easiest is myself.
Daily Routine
Now that I’ve been off for a full week now and I did my heavy drinking last week, I’m finally getting into a groove with my free time. Other than the mornings after drinking, I’ve been keeping up very well with my goal to wake up early (woke up at 8:00 this morning) and take my time to enjoy breakfast.
From there I usually take a few hours to read—online or books—or what have you before lunch. After lunch, my mind a bit tired from concentrating for so long, and my body tired from sitting still that entire time, I’ve been leaving the next few hours open to taking a daily walk, watching a little TV (Seinfeld), making dinner or whatever else might come up. I try to make plans to get out of the house at least once a day to prevent cabin fever and have done so everyday so far. Even have plans to meet some people from an old job at Nick’s Place tomorrow for lunch (breakfast).
From there I’ll usually end up back in my room, finishing off the night with a drink or two while catching up on some wikipedia or baseball-reference.com reading to calmly finish off what usually amounts to a 17 hour day.
Yet, even with all that time, I still have yet to make a post here and have plenty of other things that I’m not doing that will hopefully keep me busy the entire time I am not working. Which at the moment I have no idea how long will be.
From there I usually take a few hours to read—online or books—or what have you before lunch. After lunch, my mind a bit tired from concentrating for so long, and my body tired from sitting still that entire time, I’ve been leaving the next few hours open to taking a daily walk, watching a little TV (Seinfeld), making dinner or whatever else might come up. I try to make plans to get out of the house at least once a day to prevent cabin fever and have done so everyday so far. Even have plans to meet some people from an old job at Nick’s Place tomorrow for lunch (breakfast).
From there I’ll usually end up back in my room, finishing off the night with a drink or two while catching up on some wikipedia or baseball-reference.com reading to calmly finish off what usually amounts to a 17 hour day.
Yet, even with all that time, I still have yet to make a post here and have plenty of other things that I’m not doing that will hopefully keep me busy the entire time I am not working. Which at the moment I have no idea how long will be.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Countdown
I'm just counting down the work days I have left at this point. It's four.
And trying to avoid the suddenly terrifying feeling that I haven't done much in the way of reading at all over the past four months (the exact number of months I worked...hmmm). At least I've been posting here and doing a few other things, but if I'm not careful I'm going to start feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I need to catch up on with all my time off. Obviously I haven't quite come to be at peace with the idea of actually doing nothing and I'll chew over that in my mind for a few days before I expand upon that.
One thing at a time, one day at a time.
Just, life help me, don't let me drink and sleep it away this time.
And trying to avoid the suddenly terrifying feeling that I haven't done much in the way of reading at all over the past four months (the exact number of months I worked...hmmm). At least I've been posting here and doing a few other things, but if I'm not careful I'm going to start feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I need to catch up on with all my time off. Obviously I haven't quite come to be at peace with the idea of actually doing nothing and I'll chew over that in my mind for a few days before I expand upon that.
One thing at a time, one day at a time.
Just, life help me, don't let me drink and sleep it away this time.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Best and the Worst
Over Thanksgiving weekend I didn’t know if I was going to get a ride to Rochester for dinner but was willing to concede defeat and spend the day by myself. I certainly wanted to go, believing it would be better if I could, but I was going to make the most of it either way.
Then out of nowhere three situations showed themselves that allowed me to not only get a ride on Thursday but also to go out on Wednesday night. I didn’t sweat it and things just fell into place.
Same thing for my friend Mike who found a ride from New York City to Lockport—Lockport!—with seeming ease. The two of us even talked about how easily things seem to fall into place just by expecting or allowing them to.
Now, today, with things up in the air there are certainly options that I hope to take more than others. Still, I found myself immediately drawn to concerns that the best case scenarios might not happen over the course of the next month or two and did it with a mindset that those were suddenly the only options that I have. And as it became apparent that the best case scenario was not absolutely certain to be there, for a good part of my day I dwelled upon that uncertainty and expanded it into an overwhelmingly discouraging fact that depressingly left no other possible desirable scenarios behind.
Whatever it is that makes the mind immediately dwell upon the worst situation I don’t know. That it seems so universal amongst people, where most would let the fact that the only thing worse than the job you have is actually looking for a job force them to keep one, suggests to me that it isn’t an inherent trait amongst us—nothing is that inherently universal—but instead seems to me to be an acquired state of mind that is passed around on a daily basis. But what do I know?
It certainly requires a strong concentration on my part to overcome immediate reactions such as these and have found myself even thinking of them now that I'm home.
But the very idea quitting a job is to have options. Great, so I don’t have an immediate source of income. Perhaps things won’t work out as perfectly as I can imagine them. The benefit of allowing yourself to have options is to have options. There is never only one. No need to worry about it. Because sometimes, like the best case scenario worked out on Thanksgiving, just by allowing yourself to be in the position to be able to take it, even the best case scenario does work out.
Then out of nowhere three situations showed themselves that allowed me to not only get a ride on Thursday but also to go out on Wednesday night. I didn’t sweat it and things just fell into place.
Same thing for my friend Mike who found a ride from New York City to Lockport—Lockport!—with seeming ease. The two of us even talked about how easily things seem to fall into place just by expecting or allowing them to.
Now, today, with things up in the air there are certainly options that I hope to take more than others. Still, I found myself immediately drawn to concerns that the best case scenarios might not happen over the course of the next month or two and did it with a mindset that those were suddenly the only options that I have. And as it became apparent that the best case scenario was not absolutely certain to be there, for a good part of my day I dwelled upon that uncertainty and expanded it into an overwhelmingly discouraging fact that depressingly left no other possible desirable scenarios behind.
Whatever it is that makes the mind immediately dwell upon the worst situation I don’t know. That it seems so universal amongst people, where most would let the fact that the only thing worse than the job you have is actually looking for a job force them to keep one, suggests to me that it isn’t an inherent trait amongst us—nothing is that inherently universal—but instead seems to me to be an acquired state of mind that is passed around on a daily basis. But what do I know?
It certainly requires a strong concentration on my part to overcome immediate reactions such as these and have found myself even thinking of them now that I'm home.
But the very idea quitting a job is to have options. Great, so I don’t have an immediate source of income. Perhaps things won’t work out as perfectly as I can imagine them. The benefit of allowing yourself to have options is to have options. There is never only one. No need to worry about it. Because sometimes, like the best case scenario worked out on Thanksgiving, just by allowing yourself to be in the position to be able to take it, even the best case scenario does work out.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'm Not There
After yet another day of work that required an irritating and demeaning waste of my time thanks to incompetent people, waiting in the cold rain with wet socks for a bus that ultimately got me home just under twelve hours after I had left it for work and the unbearable realization of just how much time and energy this inane job has been sucking from me, I changed my plans on the fly and, unwilling to any longer attempt to foolishly justify the lengths I literally go to in order to keep the job, decided that I will not be quitting at the end of the year.
Instead I gave my two weeks notice at the end of the day.
The sudden possibilities of free time ahead of me, of not having to leave the Elmwood District, of perhaps finding a lower paying part-time job in the area to ease my regrets about not quitting sooner, or perhaps fixing even bigger far off mistakes before it's too late are already freely being raced around.
For now, I have two more weeks to get through. Two weeks to consider all those possibilities.
I feel the relief setting in already.
Instead I gave my two weeks notice at the end of the day.
The sudden possibilities of free time ahead of me, of not having to leave the Elmwood District, of perhaps finding a lower paying part-time job in the area to ease my regrets about not quitting sooner, or perhaps fixing even bigger far off mistakes before it's too late are already freely being raced around.
For now, I have two more weeks to get through. Two weeks to consider all those possibilities.
I feel the relief setting in already.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thanksgiving Weekend
The past week has been a week long reason to drink. Perhaps thanks in part to it being a five payday month I have kept my word of a previous post and have not felt guilty about the amount of money that I've spent over the long weekend. My monthly total is now approaching October's current high, but with good reason after all the fun I had these past several days.
That said, it was also a sort of farewell celebration of sorts to that free spending out at the bars as well as in my daily habits in general. With my plans to quit my job impending, I am going to have to watch my spending a bit more scrupulously once again. $3 dollar beers and shots have once again increasingly grown annoying and I'm going to be looking to instead go out to bars with some sort of bargain (ie, Essex St. Pub). As well, I haven't been as focused on posting here and have even grown sloppy in some of my daily habits--sleeping (too much), reading (too little), cleanliness in my apartment--that could use a second wind as far as attention paid goes.
It's nice to think that the cold weather alone would keep me in more on the weekends and cut back on the spending, but a colder house is also hard to stay in. Either way, beginning today I've begun to take the necessary steps to be a bit more prepared to be focused once again.
Then again, it is only one day and the bars are open everyday.
That said, it was also a sort of farewell celebration of sorts to that free spending out at the bars as well as in my daily habits in general. With my plans to quit my job impending, I am going to have to watch my spending a bit more scrupulously once again. $3 dollar beers and shots have once again increasingly grown annoying and I'm going to be looking to instead go out to bars with some sort of bargain (ie, Essex St. Pub). As well, I haven't been as focused on posting here and have even grown sloppy in some of my daily habits--sleeping (too much), reading (too little), cleanliness in my apartment--that could use a second wind as far as attention paid goes.
It's nice to think that the cold weather alone would keep me in more on the weekends and cut back on the spending, but a colder house is also hard to stay in. Either way, beginning today I've begun to take the necessary steps to be a bit more prepared to be focused once again.
Then again, it is only one day and the bars are open everyday.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Into the Wild
It's been almost a couple of weeks since I and my roommate Daren went to see the film version of Into the Wild and have been digesting these thoughts for days now.
In the strict cinematic sense, I was surprised just how well the two and a half hours that I thought going in were going to be too much were used. Nothing felt unnecessary, like filler or even self-indulgent. It left plenty of room for interpretations and personal prejudices to influence one's own take on the movie: did Chris become a vagabond because of his parents' relationship or because he was a strict philosopher heavily influenced by his readings? Was Chris McCandless arrogant and overconfident enough to think he could master the the Alaskan wilderness or simply a naive romantic that, not knowing what he was getting himself into, got in over his head?
What I took away most from the movie, as much as I took away from the book, was a deep appreciation for anyone like Chris McCandless who can abandon everything they've ever had in order to physically carry out their personal ideologies.
But it also served as a reminder that that is the only way one can fully carry out any ideology without any compromise: alone. Let alone the fact that I find little worth in any philosophy only capable of working in seclusion from society, as well as the fact that I respect the fortitude of anyone willing to take their ideas that far, in the end, as even Chris McCandless figures out, happiness is only worth a damn when shared.
In my desire to work as little as possible, I daily face the compromises that I make to this philosophy and recognize that at the core of these compromises the desire to be a social creature is stronger in me than the desire to completely abandon work and go about fulfilling that idea uncompromised and pristine on my own; separated and alone.
I openly expose myself to stories such as Into the Wild so that I must constantly meet face to face the compromises that I am making so as to not only reconsider my stance but ultimately strengthen the stance I settle upon.
In one of the last scenes Chris is leaving for Alaska when his elderly friend asks if he could adopt Chris as his son, he being the last of his family to carry on his name. For me it was a moment heavily saturated with an unnecessary yet intrinsically basic human need to see one's name/genetic lines carried on. But more than just that it showed just how much we influence and impress upon each other's lives no matter how little we might try--perhaps out of social interactions that are impossible to escape or a universal clumsiness of human nature, I'm not quite sure.
In watching that scene I began tearing up knowing that in the past I had been selfishly unwilling to accept that truth. But even more so knowing that I would always be willing to work at least a little bit for those small moments I am always able to share between friends and family.
I would expand upon that idea if I were a better writer and yet, as of now, I am not. Such writing may only be capable for those willing to go into the metaphorical wild to better their craft which I've entered only done in ambitious talk and wordy intentions, but as of yet have been largely unwilling to do so in an even less than absolute practice.
Perhaps further testimony to my strong love of those moments my friends and I do share.
Perhaps further testimony to my willingness to compromise against my loftier ideals in order to experience the immediate physical pleasures.
And perhaps further still, yet another reason I might have teared up at that moment.
In the strict cinematic sense, I was surprised just how well the two and a half hours that I thought going in were going to be too much were used. Nothing felt unnecessary, like filler or even self-indulgent. It left plenty of room for interpretations and personal prejudices to influence one's own take on the movie: did Chris become a vagabond because of his parents' relationship or because he was a strict philosopher heavily influenced by his readings? Was Chris McCandless arrogant and overconfident enough to think he could master the the Alaskan wilderness or simply a naive romantic that, not knowing what he was getting himself into, got in over his head?
What I took away most from the movie, as much as I took away from the book, was a deep appreciation for anyone like Chris McCandless who can abandon everything they've ever had in order to physically carry out their personal ideologies.
But it also served as a reminder that that is the only way one can fully carry out any ideology without any compromise: alone. Let alone the fact that I find little worth in any philosophy only capable of working in seclusion from society, as well as the fact that I respect the fortitude of anyone willing to take their ideas that far, in the end, as even Chris McCandless figures out, happiness is only worth a damn when shared.
In my desire to work as little as possible, I daily face the compromises that I make to this philosophy and recognize that at the core of these compromises the desire to be a social creature is stronger in me than the desire to completely abandon work and go about fulfilling that idea uncompromised and pristine on my own; separated and alone.
I openly expose myself to stories such as Into the Wild so that I must constantly meet face to face the compromises that I am making so as to not only reconsider my stance but ultimately strengthen the stance I settle upon.
In one of the last scenes Chris is leaving for Alaska when his elderly friend asks if he could adopt Chris as his son, he being the last of his family to carry on his name. For me it was a moment heavily saturated with an unnecessary yet intrinsically basic human need to see one's name/genetic lines carried on. But more than just that it showed just how much we influence and impress upon each other's lives no matter how little we might try--perhaps out of social interactions that are impossible to escape or a universal clumsiness of human nature, I'm not quite sure.
In watching that scene I began tearing up knowing that in the past I had been selfishly unwilling to accept that truth. But even more so knowing that I would always be willing to work at least a little bit for those small moments I am always able to share between friends and family.
I would expand upon that idea if I were a better writer and yet, as of now, I am not. Such writing may only be capable for those willing to go into the metaphorical wild to better their craft which I've entered only done in ambitious talk and wordy intentions, but as of yet have been largely unwilling to do so in an even less than absolute practice.
Perhaps further testimony to my strong love of those moments my friends and I do share.
Perhaps further testimony to my willingness to compromise against my loftier ideals in order to experience the immediate physical pleasures.
And perhaps further still, yet another reason I might have teared up at that moment.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Saturday Morning Coming Up
Today I woke up like I have not on a Saturday morning in quite some time: before 2:00pm and less than mildly hungover.
This minor victory to the beginning of my day was quickly turned into a short trip to Wegman's where my roommate and I had our jokes about the lives we were leading somehow oddly reaffirmed when I walked by my prom date, unnoticed, only to overhear a conversation that mentioned she had recently been married.
On the ride home I jumped out of the car at a traffic light to pick up two tubes to fix my bike's two flat tires. And having gotten that out of the way I began walking the six blocks home and noticed it started snowing.
I have been waiting for snow in Buffalo for two years now. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to keep walking in that weather so I hurried home, unpacked my groceries, ate and headed back out to go for a walk.
As I walked south down Elmwood humming songs from Dylan's Time Out of Mind there was an odd feeling that I was somewhere both in my past and my future--a combination of a longing romanticism of previous days and the optimism that there is a pay off somewhere down the road that says everything I've ever done had rightfully lead up to that moment--in the very moment that I was experiencing.
The snow still falling, my breath visible and an unexpected warmth derived from the otherwise dreary gray overcast above me, for the first time in months I felt comfortable right where I was as I was right where I wanted to be. Even though I was just walking, observing, passing by and not actually touching anything, it--Buffalo--was all making an impression upon me that made me feel as though I were as much a part of it as it was a part of me. These were the moments that would always be recalled when remembering Buffalo and I was conscious enough to enjoy the moment for what it was.
I made it all the way downtown on my walk, saw the new M&T building that, while still new and pristine to offer any sort of welcoming feeling, will at least give notice that there were in fact still people living in Buffalo in the '00's, made it down Chippewa and then back up Elmwood before going all the way back north to Talking Leaves on the corner of Bidwell and Elmwood.
And all the while, contrary to usually being too trapped in my head to take in the details of the scenery, I noticed all the side streets--Virginia, Edward, Trinity, Tracy, Johnson Park--that I wish I could live on though felt life's limited length will prevent me from doing so, and I took in views down alleys and through parking lots and up and down the side streets that I hadn't ever seen before despite the number of times I had walked the very same route.
And because nothing can exist without its opposite--a city must first die before being reborn--I felt that the last few months that I've been sluggishly pushing through were suddenly worth it for they allowed this day and these moments, their total opposites, to occur. It might be gone tomorrow and I might return to that limbo place soon enough, but from this serene (re)connection to Buffalo today I saw signs of a personal rebound and again being assured that this is where I want to be and this is what I want to be doing with myself at his point, these thoughts all culminating in the calm realization that this is what I could do everyday if I simply didn't work. Or at least as much and so far from my house. And so all questions and doubt were ended at that moment: I will be quitting by the end of the year and will trust that work will be found and bills will be paid and, most importantly, I will again find myself back in the moments that led me to return to Buffalo and that will, should I leave again, always be calling me back.
Curious to know if every Saturday could be like this should I only wake up early enough.
This minor victory to the beginning of my day was quickly turned into a short trip to Wegman's where my roommate and I had our jokes about the lives we were leading somehow oddly reaffirmed when I walked by my prom date, unnoticed, only to overhear a conversation that mentioned she had recently been married.
On the ride home I jumped out of the car at a traffic light to pick up two tubes to fix my bike's two flat tires. And having gotten that out of the way I began walking the six blocks home and noticed it started snowing.
I have been waiting for snow in Buffalo for two years now. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to keep walking in that weather so I hurried home, unpacked my groceries, ate and headed back out to go for a walk.
As I walked south down Elmwood humming songs from Dylan's Time Out of Mind there was an odd feeling that I was somewhere both in my past and my future--a combination of a longing romanticism of previous days and the optimism that there is a pay off somewhere down the road that says everything I've ever done had rightfully lead up to that moment--in the very moment that I was experiencing.
The snow still falling, my breath visible and an unexpected warmth derived from the otherwise dreary gray overcast above me, for the first time in months I felt comfortable right where I was as I was right where I wanted to be. Even though I was just walking, observing, passing by and not actually touching anything, it--Buffalo--was all making an impression upon me that made me feel as though I were as much a part of it as it was a part of me. These were the moments that would always be recalled when remembering Buffalo and I was conscious enough to enjoy the moment for what it was.
I made it all the way downtown on my walk, saw the new M&T building that, while still new and pristine to offer any sort of welcoming feeling, will at least give notice that there were in fact still people living in Buffalo in the '00's, made it down Chippewa and then back up Elmwood before going all the way back north to Talking Leaves on the corner of Bidwell and Elmwood.
And all the while, contrary to usually being too trapped in my head to take in the details of the scenery, I noticed all the side streets--Virginia, Edward, Trinity, Tracy, Johnson Park--that I wish I could live on though felt life's limited length will prevent me from doing so, and I took in views down alleys and through parking lots and up and down the side streets that I hadn't ever seen before despite the number of times I had walked the very same route.
And because nothing can exist without its opposite--a city must first die before being reborn--I felt that the last few months that I've been sluggishly pushing through were suddenly worth it for they allowed this day and these moments, their total opposites, to occur. It might be gone tomorrow and I might return to that limbo place soon enough, but from this serene (re)connection to Buffalo today I saw signs of a personal rebound and again being assured that this is where I want to be and this is what I want to be doing with myself at his point, these thoughts all culminating in the calm realization that this is what I could do everyday if I simply didn't work. Or at least as much and so far from my house. And so all questions and doubt were ended at that moment: I will be quitting by the end of the year and will trust that work will be found and bills will be paid and, most importantly, I will again find myself back in the moments that led me to return to Buffalo and that will, should I leave again, always be calling me back.
Curious to know if every Saturday could be like this should I only wake up early enough.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Biding My Time, Wasting My Time
If only for the sake of honesty and full self-disclosure, I will again note that at the present, I am only biding--wasting--my time until I have a little more money saved up because of my previous immediate willingness to compromise my goal of finding only part-time work. How I could possibly allow myself to waste so much of my precious time trying to save money I have an idea only in theory. But I'm still doing it. I have been tired and uninspired lately and while I know I will eventually retrospectively turn these moments into proof of the static nature of work, let them also be noted as a result of my complacency at the moment and nothing more.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Days Off
Coincidentally enough, today (now yesterday, thanks to not having an Internet connection yesterday) was my first day off since the last day I really made any posts here. And if the proof I have right here before me of my productivity on days off, not to mention the reminders I had all day of just how much time I could have if I wasn’t working, isn’t enough to convince me to carry through my plans to quit work soon enough, than nothing will and I am nothing but a paper philosopher unwilling to carry out his own theories and might as well go all out and go back to school and get myself a real job.
Who Needs Actions When You Got Words
I’ve been neglecting any sort of posting here as of late for what I had considered to be no other reason than it was merely a reflection of my natural tendency to lose the momentum that I create at the beginning of a project, especially in any sort of creative venture.
I’ve once again found myself in a sluggish routine of not-reading, drinking and watching television too much, and working even more to the point of becoming creatively paralyzed, indifferent and inactive. Not only has this project here suffered, but the main creative goal I had set for myself to finish in my return to Buffalo has hit an equally inactive snag as well
What I have managed to do is, as I have been slowly saving some money up, to begin thinking of ways in which I might spend it. The most enticing way that I have considered was to save enough money to buy a van, quit work and drive cross-country alone over the course of a couple of months—having no timetable whatsoever being essential—while living out of my van, avoiding the big cities, and seeing how many ways I could spend my days without the conveniences of television and the internet to distract me. And believe me, nothing would sound like a better way to spend my summer or the money that I’ve been saving.
But the daydream is one by its very definition based upon the need for money. However, the goals that I have set out to accomplish this year were set in hopes of showing that one can easily live on an average of $1,000 a month, but were also set in hopes of working as little as possible. It’s not the spending the money that is counterproductive here, but the necessity of earning the unnecessary money.
In a recent conversation, my friend Dan accused me of being amongst the hardest workers of our friends in that my work day is the longest and therefore hypocritical to this supposed cause I have taken up.
And I couldn’t defend myself. He was right. My work days have become what I previously stated in a post: nothing resembling an eight hour day but instead upwards of 11 or 12. My average day has been approaching eleven hours easily and by the time I’m finished eating it is nearly 12. Such a long work day was the very sort of things I set out to work [sic] against this year. And yet here I am correctly noted as a hypocrite.
While I can successfully argue in favor of keeping the job so I don’t have to look for another, I can no longer deny what has been crippling my creative motives over the last few weeks: the knowledge that I am compromising my intentions far too much for the sake of a little financial stability and to save up for trips that do not need to happen immediately, especially ones based on such a large need for capital, rather than compromising in favor of accomplishing the things that require free time.
Reading my last post, I have no idea what I was thinking sugar-coating the compromises that I’ve been making just for work. Yet it was true. I even began appreciating the idea that I didn’t have to wear a uniform or maintain my beard to the point of thinking that the job was a “good” job. But this will have to change.
As of now I can afford to be fired or quit this minute and survive until at least February on the money I have saved. So for now I am only working, really, to save more money. But instead of mapping out my future as far away as March or April, I am forcing myself to quit by my birthday in January, if not by as early as December. And even that seems to be a bit of a compromise when I see it written out in front of me.
If the trip can still be taken, it will be. But such a trip is not my goal this year. I must stop compromising what I have put before me at the moment, and must be willing to be a little less stable and maybe even uncomfortable and give myself the necessary time and space to accomplish the creative goals I’ve for far too long neglected and, even worse, compromised against.
I certainly hope I will take the necessary actions required to once again be fully inactive, but knowing myself, it is a matter I can easily speak of, though carrying through on them might be altogether another matter.
I’ve once again found myself in a sluggish routine of not-reading, drinking and watching television too much, and working even more to the point of becoming creatively paralyzed, indifferent and inactive. Not only has this project here suffered, but the main creative goal I had set for myself to finish in my return to Buffalo has hit an equally inactive snag as well
What I have managed to do is, as I have been slowly saving some money up, to begin thinking of ways in which I might spend it. The most enticing way that I have considered was to save enough money to buy a van, quit work and drive cross-country alone over the course of a couple of months—having no timetable whatsoever being essential—while living out of my van, avoiding the big cities, and seeing how many ways I could spend my days without the conveniences of television and the internet to distract me. And believe me, nothing would sound like a better way to spend my summer or the money that I’ve been saving.
But the daydream is one by its very definition based upon the need for money. However, the goals that I have set out to accomplish this year were set in hopes of showing that one can easily live on an average of $1,000 a month, but were also set in hopes of working as little as possible. It’s not the spending the money that is counterproductive here, but the necessity of earning the unnecessary money.
In a recent conversation, my friend Dan accused me of being amongst the hardest workers of our friends in that my work day is the longest and therefore hypocritical to this supposed cause I have taken up.
And I couldn’t defend myself. He was right. My work days have become what I previously stated in a post: nothing resembling an eight hour day but instead upwards of 11 or 12. My average day has been approaching eleven hours easily and by the time I’m finished eating it is nearly 12. Such a long work day was the very sort of things I set out to work [sic] against this year. And yet here I am correctly noted as a hypocrite.
While I can successfully argue in favor of keeping the job so I don’t have to look for another, I can no longer deny what has been crippling my creative motives over the last few weeks: the knowledge that I am compromising my intentions far too much for the sake of a little financial stability and to save up for trips that do not need to happen immediately, especially ones based on such a large need for capital, rather than compromising in favor of accomplishing the things that require free time.
Reading my last post, I have no idea what I was thinking sugar-coating the compromises that I’ve been making just for work. Yet it was true. I even began appreciating the idea that I didn’t have to wear a uniform or maintain my beard to the point of thinking that the job was a “good” job. But this will have to change.
As of now I can afford to be fired or quit this minute and survive until at least February on the money I have saved. So for now I am only working, really, to save more money. But instead of mapping out my future as far away as March or April, I am forcing myself to quit by my birthday in January, if not by as early as December. And even that seems to be a bit of a compromise when I see it written out in front of me.
If the trip can still be taken, it will be. But such a trip is not my goal this year. I must stop compromising what I have put before me at the moment, and must be willing to be a little less stable and maybe even uncomfortable and give myself the necessary time and space to accomplish the creative goals I’ve for far too long neglected and, even worse, compromised against.
I certainly hope I will take the necessary actions required to once again be fully inactive, but knowing myself, it is a matter I can easily speak of, though carrying through on them might be altogether another matter.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Workday Burden Slightly Lifted
Over the past couple of weeks my mood in regards to work has taken a noticeable turn for the lighter.
Now that I've managed to put enough money away that I could get by for a month (if not two on a very tight budget) should I suddenly decide to quit work, work suddenly feels less of a necessity as it does a reluctant choice that I'm making everyday at this point.
As much romanticism as there seems to be in the idea of living check to check, struggling to get by just to eat and drink, there is something even better for me in the idea that the time I'm putting in now will allow me to take time off soon enough. That I can once again look at options beyond simply making sure that I eat each week, quitting work has not once again become a very reasonable option, the atlas has found its way out of my closet and another summer vacation, if not even another trip, next year doesn't seem so unlikely as it did when I first started working a couple of months ago. Some people save up for a house or a vacation, I save up for free time and I feel that every day that I work now will allow me to not work another day or two down the road. I'm at a point where I have a few days saved up already and if I can just hang in there long enough I'll be able to have plenty more with them soon enough.
Now that I've managed to put enough money away that I could get by for a month (if not two on a very tight budget) should I suddenly decide to quit work, work suddenly feels less of a necessity as it does a reluctant choice that I'm making everyday at this point.
As much romanticism as there seems to be in the idea of living check to check, struggling to get by just to eat and drink, there is something even better for me in the idea that the time I'm putting in now will allow me to take time off soon enough. That I can once again look at options beyond simply making sure that I eat each week, quitting work has not once again become a very reasonable option, the atlas has found its way out of my closet and another summer vacation, if not even another trip, next year doesn't seem so unlikely as it did when I first started working a couple of months ago. Some people save up for a house or a vacation, I save up for free time and I feel that every day that I work now will allow me to not work another day or two down the road. I'm at a point where I have a few days saved up already and if I can just hang in there long enough I'll be able to have plenty more with them soon enough.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
TEG, Week of 10:18:07
| Standings | W | L | GF | GA | Home | Away | |||
| xy | Todd | 8 | 1 | 36 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 0 |
| Kevin | 6 | 3 | 29 | 21 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 2 | |
| x | Dan | 6 | 3 | 24 | 21 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 1 |
| x | nait | 6 | 3 | 29 | 21 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 1 |
| Khris | 3 | 6 | 22 | 26 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 3 | |
| Pat | 3 | 6 | 12 | 30 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 2 | |
| Chief | 2 | 7 | 18 | 21 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 4 | |
| Churchie | 2 | 7 | 14 | 26 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 4 |
y-Clinched tie for First
Week Four Games:
nait @ Kevin
Dan @ Todd
Pat @ Khris
Chief @ Church Knate
Kevin @ Dan
Khris @ Chief
Church Knate @ Pat
nait @ Khris
Todd @ Chief
Dan @ Church Knate
Pat @ Kevin
Todd @ nait
Playoff Picture The playoff picture cleared up substantially by the end of this week even though it remains somewhat of a muddled mess. Todd has all but clinched first place. Kevin has the upper hand on second place at the moment, but cannot overtake first and has not clinched a playoff berth while Dan and nait, sitting behind him in third and fourth respectively, have already clinched playoff berths and nait is the only one who can catch Todd for first place. As for the fifth and final spot everyone else is still eligible to make the playoffs, though Khris has the inside track on that spot.
The scenarios: Todd only needs to win one game or have nait lose one game to clinch his league best third career regular season title. With tie-breakers over both Kevin and Dan, but having lost to nait, Todd can only be caught by him assuming he loses out and nait wins out.
Kevin can technically fail to make the playoffs if he loses out and Pat wins and defeats Kevin by more than three goals.
Dan and nait can both finish anywhere between second and fourth but cannot slip to fifth under any circumstances, both having the tie-breakers over Pat and Khris, the only two below them in the standings that can catch them.
As for the fifth and final spot, the winner of the Khris-Pat matchup this week will have the inside track for the final spot, though both Chief and Knate can make it but would need other teams to lose even if they won out. As far as TEG can remember, this would be the first time that all teams have a stake going into the final week of play.
Meaningful Game Sighted in Churchland After his upset of Kevin, Knate's second win this season not only equaled his career win total heading into the season, it also propelled him into the thick of the playoff chase. In fact, his game against Khris marked the first game Knate had ever played with his own playoff implications at stake. He ultimately lost the game 2-1 in OT, but the fact that he was even in the situation signals a huge step forward for the franchise's history.
Stats of the Week:
1. Todd's eight game winning streak set a new team regular season record, besting his previous best of six straight regular season wins. The streak is now the second longest regular season winning streak behind Colin's twelve straight regular season, but is three behind the 11 straight that Todd won over the course of the end of Season Four's regular season and playoffs.
2. Todd has outshot every opponent in his eight game winning streak. And was outshot in his only loss.
3. Todd is 7-0 as the Blue Team.
4. Kevin has now gone 87 straight games without being shutout.
5. nait and Kevin both insured that they would finish no worse than .500 for the sixth consecutive season, the only two teams to hold such a streak in league history.
6. nait clinched his six straight playoff appearance, the only team in league history to make the playoffs in every season.
7. Dan tied a career best five game winning streak and besting his best in-season winning streak.
8. Chief is tied for last place despite having the league's best save percentage.
9. Original Four teams went 7-1 this week against expansion teams, bringing their record to 18-2 on the season in such games.
10. Knate has both victories by an expansion team over an Original Four.
11. After tying the single season shutout total in Week 2, no team was shutout this week.
12. Only one team has had 20 SOG this season--and lost.
13. Teams that held a two goal lead went 5-1.
One Goal Made All the Difference In the last game of the first week, Chief, sitting at 2-0 and looking to end the week as the only undefeated team left in the league, was leading Pat 2-0 late in the game. But Pat, hanging in there, scored a late goal with time left on the clock. This allowed the puck to be put back into play and Pat again took advantage by scoring the tying goal and ultimately the game-winning overtime goal to overcome a two goal deficit. Since that game, Chief has not won, going on a seven game slide. In his seven game losing streak he has lost five of his games by one goal and the other two by two.
Even in his rematch against Pat this past week he once again held a late two goal lead that Pat overcame again to continue the losing streak. TEG cannot help but wonder what would have been the outcome of Chief's season had he simply held onto that lead in his third game.
Still, in the new Thursday Night Bubble Hockey, Chief still has a chance to get into the playoffs despite the sudden setback.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Bye Week Sunday
It only hurts when I move.
Ow.
I found a great way to force myself to do nothing for more than two straight days: play a little pick up football with my friends!
We (my standard group of friends) played this past Bye Week Sunday (yes, it's worthy of capitals) at Delaware Park, figuring we would play a five-on-five or six-on-six game against each other. But when we got there there was another group of seven guys ready to play a game amongst themselves until both groups decided to play each other.
But rather than play ten-on-seven, we politely suggested playing seven-on-seven and we would begrudgingly substitute our players throughout the game. Who would have known that rotating ten guys would help our rag tag, hungover, out of shape team against an otherwise borderline Johnny (or is that borderline-Johnny?) team that may not have been thoroughly in shape, but at least appeared to have been in shape at some point in their lives?
Still the game was close. Playing to seven, we were up 4-2 and then 6-4 before they tied the game up both times. And as our game-winning drive came to an unsuccessful conclusion when I femininely went for a pass that was thrown only slightly high and tipped it to the safety for an interception, I doubt I was the only one who worried we were going to blow a two point lead.
But perhaps I was the only one because my friend Jay followed up the turnover with a great tip into our very own Don's hands giving us the ball deep in their territory. From there we dropped a couple more sure fire touchdowns only to be saved by a spectacular diving catch in the corner of the end zone by Cakes for the game winner.
"Don't celebrate unless you got it," said the worst of the goons.
Oh, we had it. We had it the whole time.
The entire game further deepened my preference to play a game of any sort rather than watch it. And the fact that my friends and I banded together and defeated the common Johnny enemy (some of the guys were good guys and fun to play against, though, like all groups of people, that was by no means entirely the case) made it all the more sweeter.
But ever since then I have barely been able to move. Perhaps the body, in not being a bicycle, requires constant physical attention to maintain a youthful exuberance after all. But either way, I've gotten my way and haven't done a thing since.
And even though we all know we won because we had subs, I'd hate to think how I'd feel right now if we didn't.
Ow.
I found a great way to force myself to do nothing for more than two straight days: play a little pick up football with my friends!
We (my standard group of friends) played this past Bye Week Sunday (yes, it's worthy of capitals) at Delaware Park, figuring we would play a five-on-five or six-on-six game against each other. But when we got there there was another group of seven guys ready to play a game amongst themselves until both groups decided to play each other.
But rather than play ten-on-seven, we politely suggested playing seven-on-seven and we would begrudgingly substitute our players throughout the game. Who would have known that rotating ten guys would help our rag tag, hungover, out of shape team against an otherwise borderline Johnny (or is that borderline-Johnny?) team that may not have been thoroughly in shape, but at least appeared to have been in shape at some point in their lives?
Still the game was close. Playing to seven, we were up 4-2 and then 6-4 before they tied the game up both times. And as our game-winning drive came to an unsuccessful conclusion when I femininely went for a pass that was thrown only slightly high and tipped it to the safety for an interception, I doubt I was the only one who worried we were going to blow a two point lead.
But perhaps I was the only one because my friend Jay followed up the turnover with a great tip into our very own Don's hands giving us the ball deep in their territory. From there we dropped a couple more sure fire touchdowns only to be saved by a spectacular diving catch in the corner of the end zone by Cakes for the game winner.
"Don't celebrate unless you got it," said the worst of the goons.
Oh, we had it. We had it the whole time.
The entire game further deepened my preference to play a game of any sort rather than watch it. And the fact that my friends and I banded together and defeated the common Johnny enemy (some of the guys were good guys and fun to play against, though, like all groups of people, that was by no means entirely the case) made it all the more sweeter.
But ever since then I have barely been able to move. Perhaps the body, in not being a bicycle, requires constant physical attention to maintain a youthful exuberance after all. But either way, I've gotten my way and haven't done a thing since.
And even though we all know we won because we had subs, I'd hate to think how I'd feel right now if we didn't.
Friday, October 12, 2007
TEG, week of 10:11:07
New Dogs versus Old Tricks Now that the financial stability and future of Colin's team is uncertain, it leaves only four of the Original Five still playing. After last week pitted the Original Four against each other, and the three rookies and one-time expansion team Churchie against each other in separate round robins, each of this week's games saw one of the Original Four play one of the expansion teams. And my what a rookie hazing it was! Of the 12 games played, 11 were won by the Original Four and the "expansion" team that won was Churchie: meaning no rookie team beat an Original. This however is by no means a recent trend as the Original Four have a career record of 63-10 against teams that did not play in the league's first season. Todd has the best such record with a 19-1 while Dan holds the "worst" with a putrid 13-5 record. I would go into further depth but then I would run out of stats for the stats of the week section, so see below. By the end of the week the Original Four held the top four spots and where parity once reigned it suddenly seemed feigned and disparity is present again.
Running Items Department: Four Goals and a Victory TEG's irrefutable law still holding strong with teams scoring four goals or more going 9-1 this week. No surprise there except to see that four goals were scored on ten occasions after only seven last week. Perhaps then the following item will prove unnecessary.
Two Goal Leads Are the New Four Goals Equals a Victory As stats are proving, goals are down this season, as are shots. As stated here last week this will ultimately decrease the number of comebacks over multi-goal deficits and add an increased pressure for a team to score the first goal. To support these thoughts, TEG did his best to track the number of times a team that lead by two goals at any point wound up winning their games. By my tally, 10 games featured a two goal lead and eight times the team that held it won. Or put in a less complicated manner: teams only came back from two goal deficits twice. One was by TEG himself who only came back because of how quickly the first two goals were scored against him. (And, almost echoing the words of a bubble hockey playing Tim Connolly TEG, perhaps believing a little too much in his own new theory--almost said to himself "no one comes back from two goals down in bubble hockey.") Todd was the other benefactor of a comeback and he did the same by overcoming an early two goal lead as well. There's no way for TEG to go back and track the number of two-goal leads that have been overcome in the past, but, without trying to sound like the elderly speaking of supposed good old days, TEG is willing to bet that there were a few more such comebacks when the games were longer.
Stats of the Week:
1. Dan's 2-0 win over Chief was only the third 2-0 game in league history. As stated by TEG here last week, there has yet to be a 1-0 game. But with the scoring as it is, it would stand to reason that it's only a matter of time before we see that.
2. nait's holding Pat to one shot on goal marked only the second time in league history that few shots have been register. Much like the 1-0 game, a 0 SOG game seems a matter of time as well. In fact, unconfirmed rumors spoke of one such game, an exhibition, that occurred after league play this past Thursday night.
3. Kevin has never been shutout, a streak that now stands at 84 straight games.
4. There have been seven shutouts already this season, tying the league's season total record.
5. Todd has held opponents to less than 10 SOG for five straight games, breaking the old record of four previously held by Dan (Season Two) and equaled this week by Kevin.
6. Dan was outshot his first four games and has been five of his six games this season.
7. Khris is now 2-0 when outshooting his opponents but 0-4 when being outshot. As TEG's very own real live father used to tell him: "you can't score unless you shoot." TEG's advice to Khris? Shoot!
8. Pat is 1-1 when outshooting his opponents but 0-3 when being outshot. As TEG's very own real live father used to tell him: "you can't score unless you shoot." TEG's advice to Pat? Shoot!
9. After registering a 32-20 edge in shots against his opponents last week and going 2-1 in the process, Chief was outshot 53-14 and wound up going 0-3 in the process.
10. Knate has been outshot in every game this season and counting 11 straight dating back to the last season. In his career he is 1-46 in games he has been outshot. As TEG's very own...SHOOT!
11. Knate ended his record 25 game losing streak with a 2-1 OT, comeback victory against Dan. Two of Knate's three career victories have come against Dan.
12. Chief currently leads the league with a 2.00 GAA and is ahead of the all-time season save percentage record with an .836 percentage and yet is only 2-4. TEG does not know exactly what that could possibly mean except that perhaps the world isn't always fair.
13. Pat has one less GF and two more GA than Knate but has one more win. TEG does not know exactly what that could possibly mean except that perhaps the world isn't always fair.
Bonus Stat Even Though I Know It's Rude to Talk About Him When He's Not Here Colin won his first four career post-season games but has since gone onto lose his next seven (and counting).
Lesser of Two Evils? A new rule change this year, established after Todd broke tradition last year and chose to be the Red Team even though he was the home team--until then it was just given that the home team was Blue--now gives the home team the choice of which side to play on. But so far the home team, aka the team that picks their side is 10-14. Within those choices, Blue is showing to be a better, though only slightly, choice having gone 5-6 when picked, where as Red is 5-8.
Though TEG must ponders what could have changed so drastically from last week to make Re d picked nine times last week and only four times this week.
Next Week: More shots on goal stats! And maybe something more about the Blue/Red battle for good and evil.
Running Items Department: Four Goals and a Victory TEG's irrefutable law still holding strong with teams scoring four goals or more going 9-1 this week. No surprise there except to see that four goals were scored on ten occasions after only seven last week. Perhaps then the following item will prove unnecessary.
Two Goal Leads Are the New Four Goals Equals a Victory As stats are proving, goals are down this season, as are shots. As stated here last week this will ultimately decrease the number of comebacks over multi-goal deficits and add an increased pressure for a team to score the first goal. To support these thoughts, TEG did his best to track the number of times a team that lead by two goals at any point wound up winning their games. By my tally, 10 games featured a two goal lead and eight times the team that held it won. Or put in a less complicated manner: teams only came back from two goal deficits twice. One was by TEG himself who only came back because of how quickly the first two goals were scored against him. (And, almost echoing the words of a bubble hockey playing Tim Connolly TEG, perhaps believing a little too much in his own new theory--almost said to himself "no one comes back from two goals down in bubble hockey.") Todd was the other benefactor of a comeback and he did the same by overcoming an early two goal lead as well. There's no way for TEG to go back and track the number of two-goal leads that have been overcome in the past, but, without trying to sound like the elderly speaking of supposed good old days, TEG is willing to bet that there were a few more such comebacks when the games were longer.
Stats of the Week:
1. Dan's 2-0 win over Chief was only the third 2-0 game in league history. As stated by TEG here last week, there has yet to be a 1-0 game. But with the scoring as it is, it would stand to reason that it's only a matter of time before we see that.
2. nait's holding Pat to one shot on goal marked only the second time in league history that few shots have been register. Much like the 1-0 game, a 0 SOG game seems a matter of time as well. In fact, unconfirmed rumors spoke of one such game, an exhibition, that occurred after league play this past Thursday night.
3. Kevin has never been shutout, a streak that now stands at 84 straight games.
4. There have been seven shutouts already this season, tying the league's season total record.
5. Todd has held opponents to less than 10 SOG for five straight games, breaking the old record of four previously held by Dan (Season Two) and equaled this week by Kevin.
6. Dan was outshot his first four games and has been five of his six games this season.
7. Khris is now 2-0 when outshooting his opponents but 0-4 when being outshot. As TEG's very own real live father used to tell him: "you can't score unless you shoot." TEG's advice to Khris? Shoot!
8. Pat is 1-1 when outshooting his opponents but 0-3 when being outshot. As TEG's very own real live father used to tell him: "you can't score unless you shoot." TEG's advice to Pat? Shoot!
9. After registering a 32-20 edge in shots against his opponents last week and going 2-1 in the process, Chief was outshot 53-14 and wound up going 0-3 in the process.
10. Knate has been outshot in every game this season and counting 11 straight dating back to the last season. In his career he is 1-46 in games he has been outshot. As TEG's very own...SHOOT!
11. Knate ended his record 25 game losing streak with a 2-1 OT, comeback victory against Dan. Two of Knate's three career victories have come against Dan.
12. Chief currently leads the league with a 2.00 GAA and is ahead of the all-time season save percentage record with an .836 percentage and yet is only 2-4. TEG does not know exactly what that could possibly mean except that perhaps the world isn't always fair.
13. Pat has one less GF and two more GA than Knate but has one more win. TEG does not know exactly what that could possibly mean except that perhaps the world isn't always fair.
Bonus Stat Even Though I Know It's Rude to Talk About Him When He's Not Here Colin won his first four career post-season games but has since gone onto lose his next seven (and counting).
Lesser of Two Evils? A new rule change this year, established after Todd broke tradition last year and chose to be the Red Team even though he was the home team--until then it was just given that the home team was Blue--now gives the home team the choice of which side to play on. But so far the home team, aka the team that picks their side is 10-14. Within those choices, Blue is showing to be a better, though only slightly, choice having gone 5-6 when picked, where as Red is 5-8.
Though TEG must ponders what could have changed so drastically from last week to make Re d picked nine times last week and only four times this week.
Next Week: More shots on goal stats! And maybe something more about the Blue/Red battle for good and evil.
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